Certified or Certifiable?!

Just so you know where I’m going with this thread I’ll start with the line, “I’m not one to moan but …” and you can decide if you want to read any further. :)

It’s 25 nights sleep before Noah comes home. Never has time seemed so elastic, the days are flying past because we have so much to arrange and yet they are taking forever to arrive because it’s 25 whole nights until we will finally be a family.

The thing about having an ending is that you can’t help looking back at the start of your journey. Well, when I say looking back, it’s actually more like having flash backs. This whole situation feels a bit like surviving a ship wreck. Here we are treading water with our faces barely above the surf because we’re tired; we’ve been here too long. Every now and again a wave comes along that’s just too high but somehow we extend another burst of energy and manage to fight to the surface and keep on paddling.
One such wave is the ARBO doctor. All I will say on this subject is that going to one of these “people” is like going to a pedophile for parenting advice, not an enjoyable experience and leaves you feeling like you need a good wash after wards. Enough said!

Living in a single room for several months, practically nose to armpit with your beloved, makes you very happy you married someone you like, and that washes regularly! :) Thank goodness for the portable DVD player and the load of fantastically ridiculous movies to help you escape in the evening.
It’s great that there is such a place as the Ronald McDonald, (or as we, his close friends call him, Ricky McD!), but you can have too much of a good thing. The new house is fabulous in its space and the amount of modern equipment it houses; but I have to say it’s not for me. The large open communal areas just leave me feeling very exposed and under the spotlight. I suppose some people are glad that there is an area where people can come together, but I dread the well meaning questions, and seeing the shell shocked parents avoiding eye contact, I find it so sad and upsetting. I’m glad we have a room to go and sit and eat our dinner. I’m really looking forward to finally eating a hot and not warm dinner. 25 nights to go!

It’s not all lying around watching movies and cooking gourmet meals you know! Thijs and I have to study, follow planned steps and pass exams. Thijs, being the brainiac he is, has of course passed his first. Although we all knew that Thijs is a papa for 6 months and 2 weeks, this was not official! As of now, in accordance will all the plans, steps and exams set by the hospital, Thijs is a fully qualified and most importantly a signed and certified care giver for his son. Hoora! Hoora! I am still an unofficial mum; I hope to pass my exam next week on the 29th. Wish me luck won’t you? I dare not fail, I need my permanent contract!

I’m feeling a bit emotional because I’m in the process of stopping giving mummy’s milk to Noah. On one hand, it’s a good thing, as I have some time where I can put to use on myself doing my yoga and all that. On the other hand, it’s the end of a phase in Noah’s childhood; I never got the chance to actually breastfeed so that makes me feel a bit sad. But I guess this is something that all mums can associate with, I’m so proud of all that Noah is achieving but there’s a little tiny bit of me that misses that little helpless baby. Completely soppy and girly, I know! I did say I was feeling a bit emotional or should that be irrational?!

Well that’s quite enough reflection, let’s look at the future. The best thing about being certified is that we can now take Noah out for walks. You can imagine for the little guy that’s only been in a controlled and warm environment what a big step it is to go outside. We don’t want to overwhelm him with too much all in one go. Coming home and the BIG change in his environment will be enough of a surprise, so we are planning some small excursions for him to get a little acclimatised to the outside. We also have to do a test run in the car. I wonder if he’ll fall asleep. That would be just like him, he seems to breeze through all the big steps.

Take, for example, practicing to breath off his machine. The doctors thought it would take a long time to build up, but NO! Noah is off his machine for 6 hours a day. At 2 x 3 hour intervals and next Monday he will go to 2 x 4 hour intervals! This is a huge difference in the outlook for his home situation. For a start we no longer have to move because we can’t navigate the stairs with him and all his equipment. So the house is off the market. There’s time to make gradual changes and let the dust settle a bit before we have to make any big decisions and that is a HUGE relief to us both.
The last question waiting to be answered is how much support we will receive from official channels. We’ve received the advice from the hospital, and it is very generous, but this needs to be signed off by the city council. After that we have to see what kind of help is available to us in our area. We just found out that 2 medical crèches had to close down in our area because people couldn’t afford to pay for them out of their budget, so we’re curious to say the least! Well, we’re keeping fingers, toes and eyes crossed, (a weird British habit that’s meant to bring good luck!), that it all turns out well!

Thijs and I are planning 2 weeks of at home vacation for when Noah arrives home. After all this craziness, the noise and chaos of the IC unit, the constant scrutiny of so many people, we’re really looking forward to going home. Home, where we can close the door, enjoy the quiet and be a family alone but together at last. 25 nights.

Sweet dreams xxx